Favorite New Website

Need a new way to waste time? This website is PERFECT!!

LOL!!

My last post was rather unpleasant, so I thought I'd share some funny stuff with y'all today. My son sent me the best Mother's Day card ever this year. On the front it had tree with a single acorn falling to the ground and it read, "They say the nut doesn't fall far from the tree." Inside it said, "And that scares the hell out of me." When I called him to thank him, we laughed about the card and then he said, "It's funny cuz it's true." Thanks son.

I just found these pics on the internet and they cracked me up. Enjoy!

Sick News

There's a couple of seriously bizarre and disturbing stories in the news this morning. Yesterday morning and entire family was shot up and it seems that no one knows who did it. (The picture above was in the paper today, along with little red dots showing how many times each person was shot. I don't know why I found this hilarious.) The father, Anthony Walker, was shot 8 times. Apparently he is one tough cookie, cuz he didn't die. His pregnant wife, Marisha, was shot four times and she also survived, but her unborn child did not. Two children, both aged six and yet somehow not twins, were also shot. Evidently someone really didn't like this family.

The second story is even more disturbing. A four year old boy was found naked and bleeding on the floor of his home by his neighbors. After being taken to the hospital he told authorities, "Daddy ate my eyes." WAIT! WHAT!?! Yup his obiviously crazy as hell father litterally bit his son's eye out AND HE ATE IT!!! Oh. My. God. He tried to eat the other one too and severly damaged it. The he took an axe to his own leg and tried to hack it off.

This brings a whole new meaning to the phrase, "Daddy's having a bad day."

Closing Down The Cat

So, the Alley Cat is closing down for a few weeks to give herself a face lift. It's the first time the historic bar will be closed in 34 years! I think it's a bit ironic that the place closes down right after my husband lands a job there. That's just his luck.

Anyway, we will being heading down to the Cat tonight, the last night it'll be open for awhile, and we're encouraging everyone else to head down and show their support. It'll be a hoot. AND if we get everyone to drink all the booze my husband won't have to pack it up later!

If you can't make it out tonight, I hope you can make it down for the Grand Re-Opening in May.

Happy Earth Day!

I have to admit I don't really have anything Earth Day related planned. I do have an appointment to get a facial. Does that count?

Get out there and love the Earth today!

Opps!

Bruce Riley

Apparently the police made a little mistake recently - they lost a 'high risk, sexually violent, child rapist, and predator.' According to the flier the Sheriff's Department release, "Riley was convicted in 1979 for kidnapping with the intent to commit rape, rape by force, and oral copulation with a minor under 14 years of age. Since then Riley has had numerous other non sexual violent crime convictions." Really!? The first question that comes to my mind is - WHY THE HELL WAS THIS GUY RELEASED IN THE FIRST PLACE?? Everybody knows when they release creeps like this guy, they go commit even more heinous crimes.

Don't these people ever watch American Justice or Cold Case Files??

Wow!

If you ever go to Washington, be careful not to piss this guy off.

Get it?! Get it?!

Update

Oscar and I watched the news last night and sure enough – there was the car chase that nearly wiped him out. They caught the cracked out looking creep after a bizarre chase that covered downtown, the southwest and half of Georgia.

I’m sure glad he didn’t hurt anyone else.

F.Y.I.

If you're in the market for an old, tired, worn out piece of ass, look no further than Bakersfield.

I Do ewwww!

There is a newly wed couple in Kernville none to pleased with how their wedding went. Not because the flower girl tripped or the mother-in-laws got into a fist fight (I actually saw that one happen for real) but because the minister who married them is a convicted child molester. (No – he’s not Catholic.)

Johnny and Wendy Otero wanted a small wedding in their home, so they picked up a list of people licensed to perform the ceremony from the Kern County Clerk’s office. The couple chose Russell Berry from the list, and stopped by to help the pair tie the knot. Later, when Wendy showed her wedding photos to her teenaged daughter, the girl pointed out that the minister is a child molester. What I want to know is - how the hell did she know that? Does she sit around checking out the whack jobs on Megan's Law website all day? (If so - whew! I'm glad I'm not the only one.)

Johnny and Wendy were so upset by the whole thing they canceled their honeymoon and are planning to have another ceremony officiated by someone else creepy - and their raising hell with the clerk’s office. Ann Barnett, the KC auditor, basically said ‘Hey man! That’s your problem - not mine! We just print out the list.’ Of course this is the same chick who chose to not marry ANYONE rather than marry THE GAYS! (I bet she’s fun to hang out with.)

My favorite part to this whole story is the minister/sex offender’s response to the outrage – “There’s a lot of ministers that have criminal pasts.”

Hmmm…. maybe he is Catholic after all.

Newsflash!

My husband just called me freaking out. Apparently he got caught up in the middle of a massive car chase going on right now near West High. Luckily he missed being cremated by the suspect by just inches. He said there about a dozen police cars chasing an SUV speeding around with one flat tire. Craziness!

I'll tell you more when I find out what happened.

Don't Panick!

My son is home for spring break and I took a few days off, so I'm going to be absent again for awhile. Don't freak out on me. I'll be back next week.

Happy 1st Day of Spring everyone!

(p.s. Yes - I know I spelled panic wrong.)

We're Number One!

Why doesn't this surprise me at all?

This is Tweet!

Thanks to Tom at TBC for this



I'm glad I'm not alone.

Rant

Okay – I’m going to come right out and say it. I think people have gone WAY overboard with all the “social networking” or what ever you want to call it. You got your blogs, and your My Space, and your Facebook, and your Twitter, and your texting…. What the hell? I honestly don’t care to know that much about people I went to high school with. Sure, I signed up for all this stuff too, but frankly, I can’t keep up with it. I checked my twitter account today and discovered I have 60 people following me – and I haven’t tweeted since last year! What the hell am I supposed to say?

“Hey Everyone - I just farted! Have great day!”

Come On Down!

If you're interested in meeting Mr. Bake Town, you can catch a peek here. (Scroll down to the bar scene.) He recently started working at the Alley Cat on Saturday afternoons.

Please feel free to come down and join us, 10:00 to 2:00, and you too may be fortunate enough to meet the "Trick or Treat" lady.

You should see her from the front.

Is it just me?

Or is this completely stupid?

I don't even want to know that much about the people I actually know.

Guess What?

The cops shot someone again this morning!

Well.... sort of.

I'm really asking for it now.

One of my favorite things to write about has always been the gun toting, trigger happy policemen and sheriffs we have ‘round these parts. They’d just as soon shot you than look at you for the most part. But in all honesty, I can’t say I blame them entirely. I feel the same way some days, and I don’t have to deal with the cracked out crazies running amuck around here on a daily bases. I know they have a tough job, and the last thing I want is the cops on my bad side (see above for reason), so…Yeah Cops! Way to keep the streets free of gun violence! ...... Oh wait – never mind.

In case you missed it, I am not a paid journalist, nor am I a professional writer. I’m just a chick who likes to blog sometimes. So, if you’re looking for facts and figures, or posts free of grammatical errors and typos, go some place else. (And if so, I’m giving you the finger right now.)

A couple of weeks ago a 27 year old homeless man was spotted with a gun stuffed in his waistband. (Dumb mistake #1). When the policeman arrived it was dark and the suspect was ordered to lay down his weapon. Instead he turned and began to pull the gun out. (Dumb mistake #2.) A few seconds later the man was dead. Turns out the gun wasn’t real. Oops! (Dumb mistake #3.)

Now, I’m not saying I don’t understand the circumstances. If you’re walking around Bakersfield in the middle of the night sporting a gun, even if it only looks real, you’re just asking to get shot. I can’t imagine how scary it would be, facing a man you don’t know, don’t know what he’s on, or what he’s about, in the middle of the night. With a gun! I can tell you I’d probably wet my pants at the very least. But I do know that circumstances like that don’t ALWAYS have to turn out with the suspect dead.

This weekend there were two more shootings. Early Saturday morning the BPD were called to a domestic dispute. A crazy man with a gun was demanding his girlfriend let him in the house. (Uh- hell no.) The man fled at first, then he returned and so did the policemen. When they found him running around like a whack job, guess what happened? Yeah, he’s dead too.

Sunday afternoon another young man was acting wacky when a group of people at Andres Drive-In flagged down a cop and pointed out the man. When the policewoman approached the young man, he pulled out a knife and threw it at her. Guess what happened then? The policewoman pulled out her gun and told the boy to lie on the ground. Instead he pulled out another knife and approached the officer. (Apparently no body ever told this kid not to bring a knife to a gun fight.) The policewoman shot the boy, wounding him. He is recovering from his non-life threatening injuries in KMC.

Let’s play, “List all the Similarities and Differences in These Three Scenarios!

Scientific proof this dude is a douche.

I’ve been bitched at an awful lot lately for not blogging. Waist High never fails to stop whining and recently my husband has been giving me a guilt trip for blaming the lack of posts on him. (He didn’t mind 80 weeks ago when we got together, so I guess this means the honeymoon is over.) This weekend I ran into Lois Henry and she also chided me, which really made me feel bad, so here I am. I’m not promising much, but I guess something is better than nothing - although some people would not agree.

I thought it was funny a couple weeks ago when I received some hate mail about my blog. First of all – dude!? Why are you even reading the damn thing? Second – really?! My posting is so awful and stupid you felt the need to take 15 minutes out of your life to send me hate mail?! I’m honored. I don’t have the whole thing because I deleted it, but it started something like this…

You have used the word "Scientific proof."
That word can only be used in a proper and
formal way of using. Because you used the word,
"sucks" which is informal and it's used for
people who needs angles ….

It went on from there to list even more reasons for why I suck. Scientifically.

But the best part about it was the second email. Apparently, after sending the first missive my delightful sender-inner felt he/she had not fully conveyed the point, so a second email was sent reading….

ps i wont be back

You won’t be back? You mean, except for right now…and later whenever you feel like it? Darn, I’m really gonna miss this guy. I mean, who doesn’t want writing tips from someone you says, “That word can only be used in a proper and formal way of using.”

Apparently he hadn’t really been reading my blog at all.